I am a carer who cares for my son full time (he is autistic, but able to go to school), my husband intermittently (he has fibromyalgia, a condition which flares up during specific periods and which can be worse at different times of the day) and my mother intermittently (she has ongoing mobility issues after a hip replacement and also needs ongoing support with finances).
As such, my caring role sometimes weighs very heavily on me, but is mostly manageable. However, I do not always realise when it is starting to get difficult, as issues can arise and build up slowly. On this occasion, I was trying to get my son to a session at his new school – he was moving from nursery to infants in a new school and was attending induction days (vital for him, as he adjusts slowly to change). I was running late – my husband had been hard to help out of bed and dress (something only necessary when his fibromyalgia is bad, and something you won’t know he needs until he wakes) and my son had been difficult about getting his shoes on. As such, we pulled up at the school when everyone was starting to go in. I parked and grabbed my son out of the car, started to cross the road…and then the car started to roll. Somehow, I’d not put the brake on fully. I was trying to hold onto my son, in the road, and stop the car rolling, in full sight of the other parents (or so I thought), and trying to keep him away from the car (which had self-locked as it started to move). 2 passing builders “saved” me by stopping the car and I got my son to his session.
Then I went home and cried and cried. I felt terrible – a useless mother, a useless employee (I was late for work due to all this), and just so tired. I called my manager, who told me that I needed to get to the doctor to discuss my mood as soon as possible – ideally that day. She told me they’d sign me off sick for mental health at work if necessary, and that it sounded like my caring role was very full on currently and didn’t need the added complication of work right then. She suggested 2 weeks signed off, and a phased return. She was clear that the focus was on getting me some rest and getting me the time to manage these other elements without having to worry about work.
And that was what we did. I would have tried to carry on working – as it was, even with all her support, I felt guilty for a good few days – and if I had continued to work, my mental health might have taken a far more serious and permanent turn. Instead, I was able to focus on my husband and son and also, importantly, myself. I was able to sleep and to plan in some important health visits for my son that’d been building and worrying me. I was supported by my employer to avoid a carer crisis and I’m very grateful.